Hungry for Hits: What Singers Would Be If They Were Food

 Written by Gabriel Blackheart

If Singers Were Food: A Blackheart Menu of Madness

Disclaimer: This is just for fun. No singers were harmed, roasted (well… maybe lightly roasted), or deep-fried in the making of this blog post.

There are questions in life no one asks but everyone secretly wants answered. Questions like: “What if your favorite singer was actually… food?” Well, you’re in luck, because I’m about to serve you a five-course meal of celebrity-turned-cuisine, sprinkled with sarcasm, dipped in humor, and plated with a little bit of Blackheart flair. And because I can’t resist throwing myself into the fryer, I’ll even tell you what I, Gabriel Blackheart, would be on this bizarre menu.

So, grab your forks, knives, and a side of curiosity. Dinner is served.

Alex Warren = Chicken & Waffles

Alex Warren is chicken and waffles, hands down. Why? Because he’s that perfect blend of sweet and savory—music that hits you in the feels but still makes you vibe. Chicken and waffles are a comfort food, a hug on a plate, just like Alex’s voice is basically a hug for your ears. Plus, chicken and waffles are classic brunch food, and Alex gives off brunch with friends who make you laugh until you cry energy. You’re not just eating—you’re experiencing.

And let’s be real—just like chicken and waffles, Alex doesn’t try to be fancy. He’s real, he’s relatable, and he’s exactly what you need after a long week.

Nessa Barrett = Dark Chocolate Lava Cake

Now, Nessa Barrett… she’s not just dessert. She’s that decadent dark chocolate lava cake that looks all put-together on the outside but once you cut in—boom—molten intensity spills out. Her music has that same energy: soft, delicate edges with a core that’s raw, emotional, and borderline dangerous (in the best way).

Lava cake isn’t for the faint of heart—it’s rich, it’s moody, it’s indulgent. You don’t just casually eat a lava cake, you commit to it, the same way you don’t casually listen to Nessa—you feel her. And once you’ve tasted it, regular cake just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Madison Beer = Macarons

Madison Beer is absolutely macarons. Not macaroons (those coconut things your grandma makes)—we’re talking Parisian, pastel-colored macarons that look too pretty to eat but you do anyway because you have no self-control.

Her music is sleek, polished, and undeniably elegant, the same way macarons are basically edible fashion. They’re delicate but pack flavor in every bite. Madison has that refined vibe—you know she could sit at a rooftop café in Paris and fit right in while sipping on a latte and wearing sunglasses worth more than your rent.

But let’s not forget—macarons are tricky to make. They require skill, patience, and precision. That’s Madison: artistry behind the beauty.

Ariana Grande = Espresso Shot with Caramel Drizzle

This one is almost too easy. Ariana Grande is that espresso shot with caramel drizzle—tiny but powerful. You underestimate it at first, but one sip and you’re wide awake, jittering, and maybe questioning your life choices.

Ariana is high energy, high impact, and no matter how small the package, she hits like a caffeine train. Her high notes? Straight-up espresso to the soul. And the caramel drizzle? That’s the sweet side of her—the playful, fun-loving vibes she sprinkles on top of her powerhouse vocals.

Let’s also not ignore that Ariana literally has a song called “Sweetener.” The woman basically named herself after coffee already.

Taylor Swift = Apple Pie

Taylor Swift is the quintessential apple pie. Classic, comforting, the taste of home, and always there when you need it. Apple pie has been around forever, evolving through time—sometimes simple, sometimes dressed up with ice cream or cheddar cheese (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it)—but always relevant.

Taylor’s eras are like different takes on apple pie. You’ve got country-folk homemade pie, pop-era shiny lattice pie, and indie-folk rustic pie that pairs with an oat milk latte. Apple pie is America’s dessert, and Taylor Swift has basically become America’s songwriter.

And let’s be real—just like apple pie, everyone has an opinion about her. But love her or hate her, she’s always on the table.

Gabriel Blackheart = Steak with a Whiskey Glaze

Now for me. Gabriel Blackheart doesn’t fit neatly into desserts or breakfast plates. Nah—I’m the steak with a whiskey glaze. Why? Because I’m hearty, bold, and unapologetically me. A dish that comes out sizzling, catches the light just right, and makes people turn their heads when the waiter walks past with it.

The steak part? Strong, classic, filling. The whiskey glaze? That’s the creativity, the chaos, the flair that makes it stand out from your average cut of beef. It’s not safe. It’s not subtle. It’s indulgent with just the right bite.

You don’t eat steak and whiskey at every meal—but when you do, it’s an experience. Same with me.

Closing Thoughts

So, there you have it: my personal food menu for some of music’s most iconic voices. Alex Warren is brunch comfort, Nessa Barrett is emotional decadence, Madison Beer is Parisian elegance, Ariana Grande is a shot of pure energy, Taylor Swift is timeless Americana, and me? I’m the whiskey-glazed steak sitting at the head of the table.

Next time you’re listening to your favorite song, don’t just ask yourself how it makes you feel—ask yourself what it would taste like.